Do vagina's smell?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
