At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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