Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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