I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
