There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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