Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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