If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
