it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
