gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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