Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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