so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
