Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
