i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
