I bet he comes in French.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
