My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
