Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize