Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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