The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
