she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
