i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
