He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
