I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
