Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
