the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
two words: eviction party
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
