If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
