omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
