tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize