I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my vag is so smooth its legendary
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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