yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
