I look better un-naked...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
