just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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