Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
