She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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