The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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