I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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