I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
