That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i have two assholes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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