We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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