I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
PS: I just woke up from my shower
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
