At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
