Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize