DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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