standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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