I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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