I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
