haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
