there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A bitchslap is in order.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
