Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
