I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
