i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
