Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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