Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My ass is underappreciated
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
