Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my poor anus
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
