Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
