who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
