I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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