on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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