It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
