He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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