i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
