It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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