Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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