im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
