This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
