I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
one might say we're banned from that church
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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